Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Short Story- The Last Breath



He was lying on the road, blood oozing out of his punctured body. His mother had told him that people turn into stars after death and shine in our lives forever. He turned around in great pain to see the night sky, trying to figure out a place for him.

It was a lonely road when a speeding vehicle had hit him and ran away. He knew nobody would be coming to save him. He was thankful to God for these uninterrupted last few minutes in this world, as even if somebody comes to save him, that person would be just interrupting his precious time in a futile attempt to save him.

He was smiling. Smiling after a long long time. He tried to think of the last time when he was all alone. A tear dripped from his eye. For the first time in his life, he could admire how beautiful the stars were, how cool the air was and how good it felt to lie down in mud. On his deathbed, he felt like a child- no concerns about the world or future or ego. Images flashed in his mind. What had he achieved in his life? A regular job, an unhappy wife, disappointed parents and a huge bank balance. That's it? This is what he had lived for? He had made the banks and boss happy and his family unhappy. If he had a second chance, he would try to reverse the things. But this was what he thought whole life. He thought he'll do this in future and today, future ceased to exist.

He remembered his mom waking him up for his breakfast, dad running around to make an earning out of his mediocre shop- just to educate him. In return, when he grew up, he ignored their needs. He remembered his wife, who supported him in the lowest periods of his life. When whole world laughed at him, she was there to ease his pains. He missed her. He wished if she could be there to ease that pain too, albeit for the last time. And when he tasted success, he didn't make an effort to bring that beautiful smile on her face. He got too caught up with keeping his impression in minds of others, his company, his boss, his colleagues at office, his friends from college. He was so busy in wearing a mask, a different mask for different person, that he never got time to be his true self and to give happiness to people who were his life.

He thought of dinner today when his wife had told him that she was pregnant with a child. She was so excited, dreaming of having dinner with their daughter, sending her to school and so on. He had dismissed it as saying what was the big deal. That caused his wife to cry and he left her for a night walk figuring out how to finalize the marketing strategy of their new product. It was a big deal! He so wished to buy that blue frock he saw in the hypermarket today, he so wished to bring her a bridal doll, he so wished to see her daughter sleep in his lap or cut a chocolate cake for her birthday. Wishes, he realized were useless.

His breath became heavy. The stars started getting blurred. He wished he could say a Thank You to his parents. He wished he could say I love you once more to his wife, this time truly from heart.

He limbered to scribble the words on mud-

"Name her Princess"
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Sunday, December 27, 2009

Happy holidays


Faced with eternal boredom and loneliness in these holidays, I'm spending my time by distorting facial features of random people. *Sigh* Holidays are so much fun!! :)

This is one of my masterpieces (I don't know who the person is!) As they say - "Empty mind is the Devil's workshop"





Oh! btw Happy New Year 2010...
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Saturday, December 19, 2009

Short Story- The perfect opening line




"Coming for dinner?", Abhijeet asked.
I calculated my options- had skipped lunch for a movie and was damn hungry., But then image of mess food flashed in my mind and scared me. Both options were bad.
"Abe soch kya raha hai? Ph.D karega ispe? Chal raha hai?", Abhijeet said while lighting his cigarette. I wondered if it's better to have a smoke and watch few more episodes of friends. A virtual battle between my stomach and mind started and in the end I decided to die from food poisoning rather than from hunger.

"Haan chal aata hoon. Dinner se pehle bhi sutta?" I muttered.
"Abe sutte ka bhi time hota hai kya",came the reply. I nodded in agreement as we walked towards the battlefield.

The canteen was almost full. Everyone was excited,upbeat and I wondered what made them so ignorant to greenish-jelly like-messy-liquid infront of them. Probably they are stupid or too busy in flirting, I concluded.

After strangling few people to death, I finally bought the gold coin supposed to be the coupon for our full meal. I was standing in the line and thinking about the fortune of the mess owner - greesy food and such a line. I was tossing my gold coin coupon and waiting for the line to move when I heard a soft voice from behind- "Excuse me". I thought my mind was playing games with me - like people see a mirage, I was listening one. But then again I heard the same two words "Excuse me". I turned behind and a sort of lightning struck me. There was a beautiful girl standing by - the cutest I've ever seen in my life. I was blocking her way and promptly got in side to give her way.

"Kya hua bhai! Hosh mein hai?", Abhijeet asked.
"Nahin...abhi to nahin...hehe...Saw that girl?", I asked
"Haan, kyon tu janta hai use?" asking curiously, as we were the most useless people in college, according to girls of our batch, and we used to stay away from our female batchmates(or it was the vice-versa).
"Nahin..abhi to nahin janta. Par one day I'm going to marry her" I don't know what prompted me to say these words, but I was so in love at first sight and I was so sure about my statement.
This statement of mine erupted a roar of laugher, not only from Abhijeet but all my batchmates standing in queue.
"Bhaiya khana lena hai ya apni shaadi mein hi khaoge ab", even the mess serving guy was taking a dig at me.
"Shaadi mein to khaoonga hi aur tujhe bhi khilaaonga ki bakwas na kare tu", I retorted back angrily.

As soon as we moved to occupy a seat, Abhijeet pointed at her and said to me " Lagta hai teri wife ka boyfriend hai." There she was siting with a guy, laughing. I should admit that her smile had almost got me killed. Maybe I had made the record of shortest heart break . "Bhool ja ye sab. Khana kha jaldi warna fir daddu ki shop band ho jayegi. Sutta reh jayega mera", Abhijeet complained - cigarette was the love of his life. Somehow for first time in my college life, I found the canteen food tasty. I concentrated on my food, finished it in 5 minutes straight and ran out of the canteen.

----------------------------------------------------

It was a heartburn and I decided not to give up. I tried to go for round everyday and on context of evening walk followed her everywhere till I deciphered her minute to minute details of schedule.

I tried to figure out a plan to talk to her-

"Lecture theater" - morning - nah...LT kaun jata hai...
"Canteen" - nah...wahan pe uske sab gujju friends hote hain
(I had also managed to decipher that she was gujarati by following her on evening walks and overhearing her)
"Evening walk"- nah..wahan pe uska "Bhai" hota hai saath mein...
"Library" at night - raat mein kaun padta hai yaar..infact log padte hi kyon hai college mein..
i sighed...guess i don't have an option....

"Kahan ja raha hai", Abhijeet asked, once again lighting a sutta.
I wondered how much he used to spend on matchsticks, leave alone the cigarette.
"Library"- I answered harmlessly.
"What?" Abhijeet shouted in a shock, almost spitting his cig out. "Fir se bol?"
"Library." I said with emphasis on the word. "Hum padhne ke liye aaye hain college. Padhne ja raha hoon. Ismein aise pretend karne ki kya baat hai" I retorted and started moving out as soon as possible before he can get a clue of my actual reasons.

I sat in the corner of library and avoiding looks of padhaku students of batch. I almost felt guilty of encroaching their space. After shuffling through pages of my books, I brought a magazine from shelf and started reading when she entered and sat diagonally opposite to me. I went to the shelf of humanities books (which was right next to her seat) some hundred times in next three hourse on pretext of searching for a book. Even Anthropology, Sociology, Psychology and other monstrous words engraved on the books in the shelf couldn't deter me from coming yet another time to the same shelf.

After 3 hours of staring at love of my life, I noticed that she was left handed. She looked confused while reading and the more she read, more confused she looked. She had a black wrist watch, white sandals 4 pens, 2 pencils and 1 eraser(I realized I was looking at stationery items after really a long time- I thought they were extinct!)

"How do I talk to her? I need to think of a perfect opening statement" I muttered to myself.

I'll wait for her to leave. As we get out of library, I'll call her. I would introduce myself and say I think you look pretty. She will smile and we would get talking and then I would get a red rose and propose. After she says yes, I'll go to her parents and say in bollywood style- "main aapki ladki ka haath mangne aaya hoon" Lost in my dreams I didn't realize the chair that was diagonally opposite to me was empty.

"Sapne mein shaadi hogi ab meri",I said kicking to myself, running out of library. I saw her on way to girls hostel and seeing me running in her direction, she got a little scared and started walking faster.

"No,no,no. I'm not a bad person. I've screwed it up. Now she thinks I'm a stalker(which in some sense I was). How do I say I have no intentions to hurt".
She gave me a cold look which warned me not to follow her. But as blind in love as I was, she seemed more beautiful than ever.

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That's when the hero of my life, one person(or rather creature) I'll be ever grateful to appeared. A dog came in her way and she got scared. She freezed at the place The dog freezed too, maybe trying to figure out what had he done. In the confusion, I entered and shooed the dog away(I could hear myself whispering to the dog- "Sorry dude! Thanks" with a salute).

"Are you scared of dogs?" I muttered, I kicked myself for forgetting all my planned lines and style. What a dumb opening statement to make to a girl.
"Yes I am. Thanks for help. I would have fainted if you would not have saved me" she said.
"Saved you!hell yeah!I so risked my life to save my princess", I wanted to say....
"I'll keep meeting you", she said with her beautiful smile and disappeared in the dark.

I tried to find the dog to thank him but he was nowhere to be seen. I turned back and reach my room. Abhijit was watching a movie and searching for his matchbox.
"Ho aaya library? Ye din to tu bhulega nahin jindagi mein kabhi...Landmark event hai tere liye library jana.."
"haan yaar...it was the best day ever in my life" I said lying down on my bed. Abhijeet saw me in disbelief and shock for next two minutes straight. Maybe he thought my mind was not functioning properly after being exposed to harmful radiations of library and would become normal by next morning.

But that was the day my life changed. Also I discovered that it's pretty tough to execute a good opening line - especially if the girl is as beautiful as her.

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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Obama's Nobel Prize Speech




Our own superhero Stickman was recently in White House to rescue Mrs. Obama's cat stuck on tree (since throwing stones by Mr. Obama was not helping...duhh..so much of a basktball player). with a stroke of luck, he got hold of rough draft of Mr. Obama's speech for Nobel peace prize thrown in the garabge...Here are the excerpts of highly secretive and sensational document...

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Ladies and gentleman,
I stand before you and gladly accept the Nuclear Race...ahhh...no...Nobel Peace Prize. What if we lost in Olympics despite of all my marketing skills. Afterall I'm the president of US and a little arm twist can help me to maintain my TRP and popularity ratings. Now now, before you all start jumping, ask yourself, have you not used some influence at some point of time. If not, then that's why you are not the president of your country. If yes, damn..you seriously used it at some wrong place.

Anyways, ya I do deserve this price. I have reduced the number of bombings in Afghanistan from 10 per hour to 9.5 per hour. No you idiot, we don't throw half bomb every hour. We throw 1 bomb less every two hours. So, I was saying, yeah..we got installed a new laundry service in guantanamo bay bay (see Guantanamo bay bay sounds mouch more peaceful than it's old name), so that the prisoners can atleast wear clean underwears after getting whipped. What a shame it was! Not to even have clean undergarments. Now they are better off than atleast half the population of India.

We have funded Pakistan, so that they can make peaceful bombs. The bombs they use now disturbed the sleep of little poor hungry children. How insensitive was that on part of my predecessors. These brand new peaceful bombs are revolution,I say. These cute bombs don't make a noise while blasting. Now it will be a silent bomb. *Boom*(Note: remember to speak this very slowly) and you're dead. No noise pollution. (See we are also reducing pollution.)

And don't get me started on South America and Israel. I have given a 1000 promises. You think that's less than monumental or historical. Remember my speech in Cairo! We need to end cycle of suspicion and terror. We now plainly deny visa for muslims rather than stripping them on airports. That's a hope to start with.

I might not have some or rather any glistering achievements on my resume now, but then at least I tried. I tried to make this world a liveable place. Obviously I had to act as shocked or else how would have I appeared as humble and noble person you morons. But I stand before you to achieve this prestigious award. Now all our missile and bombs will have photo of this coveted prize on them. See I got brand new thousands of messengers of peace. This will also help us spread the values that this prize stands for. After all, not only we bomb all the parts of earth, we bomb the moon too. So you see, this message will be spread not only on all parts of earth but also moon. And you dumb people thought I didn't deserve this prize in first place.

All I can say is blahhhhh.....Let peace be bestowed upon this earth. Remember death alone can bring the ultimate peace. I am looking for permanent solutions and not temporary patch ups.

Yes, we can!

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Sunday, October 11, 2009

Rio muppets

Check out the muppets(for definition of muppets check out the link)

Stumbled upon this video. From my limited search, found that it's a video from an old episode(The Muppet Show). Also it was used as a part of presentation by Rio for olympic's presentation.
No doubt they won!

omg...I'm just humming this tune now..it's real addictive...
cool penguins...lizards...ahhhh...i love this video...

I go to rio..lala...i go to rio....



lyrics-

When my baby
When my baby smiles at me I go to Rio
De Janeiro,
My-oh-me-oh
I go wild and then I have to do the Samba
And La Bamba
Now I'm not the kind of person
With a passionate persuasion for dancin'
Or roma-ancin'
But I give in to the rhythm
And my feet follow the beatin' of my hear-eart

Woh-ho-oh-oh, when my baby
When my baby smiles at me I go to Rio
De Janeiro
I'm a Salsa fellow
When my baby smiles at me
The sun'll lightens up my li-ife
And I am free at last, what a blast

Woh-ho-oh-oh, when my baby
When my baby smiles at me
I feel like Tarzan, of the Jungle
There on the hot sand
And in a bungalow while monkeys play above-a,
We-ee make love-a
Now I'm not the type to let vibrations (Rio...)
Trigger my imagination easily (Rio...)
You know that's just not me
But I turn into a tiger (Rio...)
Everytime I get beside the - one I love (Rio...)
Woh, oh, woh, woh-oh..., (Rio... - Rio...)
Yeah Ugh - (Rio...) - Ugh

Woh-ho-oh-oh, when my ba-a-aby (when my baby)
When my baby smiles at me I go to Rio (Rio...)
De Janeiro
I'm a Salsa fellow-ow
When my baby smiles at me
The sun'll lightens u-up my li-ife
And I am free at last, what a blast

When my baby (when my baby)
When my baby smiles at me I go to Rio (Rio...)
That's when I go to Rio (Rio)
Rio - Rio De Janeir-eiro
Rio...., Rio...., Rio....
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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Lost - in Calcutta and in life



Bold black alphabets against yellow background of rock at the platform read- Calcutta.

It felt like this rock was only thing stationary in my vicinity. Everything else was moving, rather bumping into each other. The whole place was in utter confusion. Somehow I managed to locate my uncle in swarm of people.

I was on a short trip of my dream city. But the dreams seem to fade in the utter confusion and chaos.

Mamaji, gaadi kahan hai?
Bas besta, saamne hi hai. We can drive inside the platform to park our cars close to the bogey.
(You need to be there to understand it).

Anyways, the car was just infront and I thanked God for saving me some millions of pushes and stepovers on my foot. We drove, rather slowly moved ahead to the main road. The traffic was overwhelming. Everyone wanted to go everywhere.

There were black colored cabs, new swanky cars, old ambassadors, trams, autos, handrickshaws, scooters, bikes and not to forget poor old pedestrians who were trying to figure a way out of the puzzle created by vehicles. Suddenly loud bong accent voice started coming from some distance. I tried to take a sneak peak to realized that a car tried to smart it's way infront of tram and created a deadlock.

Whole area was brought to a standstill, save the pedestrians. Honks and screams were only thing that indicated the city was alive. And then it started raining.

Oh great! What could be worse in life than being stuck in a stupid traffic jam! We need few helicopters to air lift us!

I closed the window of car partially because of the rain and partially because it was stinking like hell. There was a huge pile of leftovers of food, probably remains of a night party, thrown on the footpath next to us. It was stinking like hell and I prayed to God to atleast move our car few metres ahead so that I'm saved of this torture.


Kaise log hai yahaan! Kahin bhi khana fenk dete hain! Ise to janwar kya bacteria bhi nahin khayenge!


I was cursing my luck when I saw a beggar approaching the pile. He squatted next to the pile. And then my vision faded because of the water on glass. It seems like world was melting and images were getting distorted. I saw some activity from the beggar but it was too unclear to determine what he was doing sitting there. Out of curiosity, I opened the window.


Beta bheeg jaaoge. Khidki band kar lo!
Bas mamaji, 5 min thoda hawa kha loon!


What I saw next, changed my entire life. I saw the beggar merrily eating rice and daal from the huge pile. It seemed like a feast to him and he was gulping down handful of the pale yellow mixture. The same leftover that was painful for me to even see or smell, to somebody else it was a lucky meal. I took out my head of the car so as not to vomit in the car. I vomited not only the food, but my preconceived notions, my sense of misery. I realized how lucky I was to be sitting inside this stupid car stuck in the stupid traffic rather than being outside.


Kya hua beta! Theek ho na!
Nahin mamaji! Bas wo thoda journey ki wajah se....


I closed my car window hastily and allowed the world to melt infront of my eyes. It was a pure bliss to live in my virtual world with meaningless problems. I wished I could do something, but like a coward, I felt comfortable in my small little world. I was so happy in my small-little-problems-of-life.

Chalo beta! Traffic khul gaya. Ghar chalte hain! Ache se khana khayenge!

Still, a dent in my wall had been made. The world really melted and distorted for me that day. I was lost in the streets of Calcutta and in the realities of life.
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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Dhan te nan!

Dhan te nan..te nan..te nan..
Dhan te nan..te nan..te nan..


I didn't like the new version of the song...accidentally stumbled upon the old version of song....it's mindblowing! Simple song..Great effect!

Enjoy the song..till then..dhan te nan!

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Sunday, August 23, 2009

Agnostibus



Many times, I wonder if God exists? What makes us alive? What happens when a person die? A moment before- he was alive, moving, breathing..and next moment..*spoof*..he is as good as a stone. And each time, I have found no answer. I just end up sleeping while thinking about this topic.

But yesterday, I read about "Atheist Bus Campaign" -



Though this campaign "claims" to be peaceful and in tune with humanity, I would like to admit two things that came to my mind when I saw this poster and bus advertisement. Firstly, it's damn creative. Using buses to market your idea is nothing new. But the idea and exact wordings of campaign has got to catch lot of attention, given it's potential to create controversy and hence more marketing. Secondly, the advertisement is damn rude! It seems like(at least to me) it's saying- No God exists morons! Get back to work! No claims, no reason, no request, no views..nothing. Just because they say, it ought to be true! Who says that person has worries and unhappiness in life just cause of God or just because he is not sure if there is God? Even if I agree to their point, what will make me happy? Now I'm not a very religious person, but still I'm searching for an answer for the question and would not buy some logic blindly, just cause it's marketed colorfully.

But as expected, Red bus campaign( the buses used in campaigns are called- Agnostibus - now that's creative!) has created a lot of stir and has been really successful. Successful means damn damn successful.


I'd say- "Who cares God exist or not? Get a sound sleep."
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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Short story- Constellation




Title - Constellation
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It was a cold clear night. The sky was full of stars and it was possible to make a constellation of your own- any shape you want, any size you want. She looked up. Look - it's a bird. We'll call it Birdie constellation. He looked up. Yeah! a duck! Why not duckie? He then looked to his right and saw her face shining bright in the night. Look there is a dog. hmmm..that can be a teddy...that is a pirate boat, with a flag, sailing in ocean of light. He was not interested. Rather he was so captivated that it did not occur to him to look at the sky. Yeah! was his only response each time. He just kept staring at her beautiful face glittered by moonlight. Who the heck needed stars?

She had a broad smile. She was lost in her own world of stars, drawing meaning out of unmenaingful things. He was staring at her, again lost in his own world, trying to draw unmeaning out of(trying to distance himself from) all the meaningful things.

It was like world paused except for the gentle wind.

Then she turned to him. He started looking up, just in time so that she didn't notice. She said with a teasing smile - What? You think I'm stupid trying to make shapes when none exists. Nah! I don't think so. And who am I to comment. After all aren't we all trying to derive some meaning, some shape out of our lives when probably none exists. Why are you so pesimistic? Can't you appreciate the beauty? Why you have to make simple things so complex? I'm trying to make a complex thing more simple - our lives are meaningless. My life had only one meaning - and that meaning will soon cease to exist. Now I wonder, if that was a meaning to start with? She didn't understand what he was trying to say. Even he didn't understand what he was trying to say. It was clear night and their paths were lit infront of them, albeit two different paths. He didn't understand why they had to take different paths.

She said to him - Goodbye dear! Take good care of yourself. Will you meet me sometime? She looked up and said - Let the stars decide!

A tear trickled down from his eyes. He looked up. He saw a cruel-smiling-face-constellation.
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edit: on orders from my special one..high command...
This is a story inspired from my real life with ending change...in real life..we share one common path :D
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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Dreams unlimited..



There are times when we have doubts about self. Times when others have doubts about us.
There's a thin line between confidence and over confidence and even a thinner line between courage and stupidity. How does Mr. Stickman decide that on which side of line he is?

P.S. -How stupid is this drawing thing? Should I continue? Please let me know...
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(Image source: http://thememoryofrain.blogspot.com/)

It's been raining daily here. I love watching the rain. But strangely it introduces a feeling of sadness and loneliness. Rain is like a sadistic pleasure to me!

Well anyways, things are going weird at my end. I am feeling tired and worn out these days. Only positive is I meet loads of crazy people here. Sadistic fun!

This is a conversation with one of the placement officers of a "self-proclaimed" best college in Hubli-

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PO:Hello Mr. XYZ(while reading my profile). If you don't mind, I can see you've worked in ABC company(a software company in Bangalore). What you're doing here?
Me: (Even I don't know what I'm doing. Some days, I wake up and struggle to remember where am I and how the hell I reached here.) Ma'am, it's not just about brand name. It's kind of work profile that matters to me.

PO:(confused) You're passout of Dhirubhai Ambani college. Do you know about their school in mumbai? How good it is?
Me: (What? Seriously what?) No ma'am. But my guess is that it would be good.(Why is she taking my interview?)

PO: Oh..you've scored 99.3 percentage in Maths in CAT. Where did you loose 0.7 marks?(laughing as if trying to make a joke)
Me: (Shocked! Who made her a placement officer?) Ma'am it's not percentage. I've mentioned too. It's percentile.

PO: Oh..so you want to give a presentation on MBA. Why is this MBA in demand these days? I mean I'm not able to figure out why everyone in corporate is shouting MBA MBA? What do they teach in 2 years?
Me:(Lady you are the placement officer! Somebody get me out of here! Who hired her?) (Was about to say something but interrupted...)

PO: Oh you know I'm really interested in Maths. Do you teach shortcuts? Can you please teach me a few shortcuts in Maths?
Me:(My brain couldn't bear more shocks..I give up) Yes ma'am. Gave few questions and explained how to solve it using options. (Took me 20 minutes to explain one question and 15 minutes for next one.)

PO: Oh! I forgot? What were you here for?
Me: (Seeing a pencil stand infront of her and remembering the scene of The Dark Knight where joker appears for the first time - does the magic of disappearing the pencil) Ma'am I wanted to have a workshop in your college.

PO: Oh yeah yeah...You see we've really good students here (wanted to add - and a great PO too). They'll surely benefit from you. Do you have any present batches for CAT going on?
Me: Yes ma'am. Two batches having 10 students(lied. In reality - 0 students)

PO: What? Only 20 students? Why only 20?
Me: (Get me out! SOS! I'm dialing for ambulance..) Ma'am we've just started. We're trying to create an awareness so that more students can benefit from us.

PO: Ok. I'll try to see if we can work out a seminar from you guys. Thanks for maths problems.
Me:(exhausted) Thanks ma'am

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Exhausted after an hour of torture...
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Saturday, July 18, 2009

If wishes come true...




What if all wishes do come true? Would it make the world more happy? or more sad?
How many times have we blamed God, luck, almighty(or whatever we call him/her/it) when our dreams come crashing down? But then, when we fight back and taste the sweet success, that makes the journey memorable.

Failures adds spice to the life curry!
And if you really believe in your dream- Fight back!
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Well meet a new crappy (infact crappiest of all) superhero THE STICKMAN !He could be me, he could be you, he could be any
one amongst us! After all, aren't we all superheros in some sense!

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Monday, July 13, 2009

What I learnt in last one month!

So am into marketing these days! There have been a lot of transformations - from bangalore(a big city) to hubli(a small city), IT to marketing, being with friends to being lonely all the time.

I have started drawing(something like the way Matt is to dancing - read last post for more details). Will update scanned pictures sometime soon.

Anyways what I've learnt in one month is-
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1) In education sector single biggest factor is TRUST. People will not look at money, location of classes, infrastructure, blah blah if you've brand name. And the single biggest challenge for a new coaching is to build a brand name.

2) That brings me to the next point. I've tried all means possible for marketing of MBA coaching here. Posters, Flier distribution, Newspaper Advertisement, Newspaper insertion, Room insertion. But the best way of marketing is "Word of mouth" marketing. Nothing beats that. And the best part is it's absolutely free. But as we say there is no free lunch in the world. It's free when the financial aspect is concerned but it's really tough to achieve. If students are not happy with your classes, whole city will get to know that very soon. If students are really happy, only there few friends will come to know that. So then their few friends will join and then their juniors and hence starts a slow chain reaction.It's easy to spend money on other form of advertisement but to earn RESPECT, you need to work real hard.

3) Local players are a big pain. They've been dominating the market for long and provide courses dirt cheap. And since they've the bulk of students, obviously they've best ranks of city too. Who cares then if only 40 out of 4000 students get selected. Plus they've had solid contacts and a huge system/network in place to suck in the students to their camp.

4) That brings me to the next important aspect- Jugaad or Links. It works really fine here. You need to know a relative of placement officer or principal or a member of director. Else you're welcome to spend a lot of time with the office peon or with stray dog outside the office.

5) Marketing in academic world can be subdivided in 3 parts- Pre, On and Post marketing. Pre marketing- activities before students join in. On - activities when student enters the coaching - posters, counseling or as simple as asking for a glass of water. Post- follow up of queries and updating about info like new batches. Once he registers, taking care that he feels good(student won't tell you he is satisfied but would certainly tell that to others outside). Also once the batch is complete, following up makes him feel important and reflects genuine concern.

6) Coming up with right plan at right moment is a must. or else bite the dust!

7) MUTUAL RESPECT is one of the key ingredients. Further keep exploring the opportunities. For example I studied the market and realized all the queries of test series were coming from outside hubli. Maximum of these were from Jindal Steel Plant from Bellary and we decided to become more aggressive in marketing there. To our surprise, there were people from BITS Pilani, NIT's and possibly IIT's but we never had cared to look out of the well in the past.

8) The strategy should be to go for kill. My final aim is to have a tie up with big institutions and colleges. If this is achieved, we can target our potential customers at one place, saving our time and energy and hence money. Newspaper advertisment is good for catering to a distributed group of customers in city, hoardings are good for big brands but for a coaching, nothing works better than a workshop or seminar!

9) Market segmentation is important. In the starting we were trying to market CAT class room course,test series and PGCET(local mba) everywhere without giving a thought. It was complete waste of money. What we realized after studying the queries were that Engg students were more inclined to CAT, BBA and BCA students for PGCET and people in companies like JSW(outside hubli) preferred test series. As it can be gazed from the fact that we didn't get a single positive response after messaging to 3000 students and 4000 flier distribution, regarding test series, outside biggest college of Hubli for continuous 4 days

10) Just like language changes from region to region, Marketing strategies change from region to region(infact from city to city). Something that worked so smoothly in Bangalore, I realized was recipe for big disaster in Hubli. The major reasons I figured were lack of awareness and exposure. In Bangalore a person sees himself competing with thousands of other and he also sees big software and other firms. This mixture of fight + hopes is a priced combination for coaching. In general motivation level and fighting spirit of students is low in Hubli. Few who are really good don't know that they're good enough.

11) TV advertisements do work! To my horror, everyone knows about TIME coaching here even though their is no TIME in hubli. But nobody knows CL even after all this. Reason- advertisement on television.

12) It's just not about meeting the targets. If you think short term, you may meet target for this month but will certainly fall short in next month. It's about thinking long term. Having a plan and backup plan and backup backup plan in place. Identifying the right set of people. Identifying the right time. For example, colleges will start in august but I've to start my preprations in july. Meeting key people, fixing time, finalising details take time. If I start in august, it'll be not be till September that I'll get permission to interact with students. So it has to be well planned. Another example would be - CAT going online. CL was genuinely prepared for the changes in CAT whereas I feel TIME was caught unaware as it considered itself to be the undisputed market leader. But changes in market scenario turned the tables around and CL was able to gain majority of junta whereas TIME is still struggling to conduct it's free mock test and finalize the schedule yet. Complacence is a crime!

13) How you position yourself in the market is important. Saving brand dilution may cost money but then saving some money sometimes lead to loss of huge revenues in future. So having a Vision is critical.

14) Last but not the least, you should genuinely believe in the product you are marketing. If you're not convinced then it's not possible to convince others.

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Enough gyaan for the day!
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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Dancing Matt (Visa card guy)

I thought I was the worst dancer I've ever seen. But that was when I had not heard about Matt Harding. And heck, he is famous for that!
I hope you've seen Visa Card Travel ad(Link) with beautiful music and a guy dancing(or whatever you call that thing!) at different locations.




It's the best ad I've ever seen. But never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that the guy had a history of dancing all over the world and was quite famous. I mean the guy dances like hell. That reminds me, he has his official website too - http://www.wherethehellismatt.com

Check out the videos section and his experiences in the blog in his official website.

But coming to a bigger point,- Why the hell did Visa took Matt in his ad?

That's a fairly simple question. Matt has been dancing all over the world now and dance is a unifying language in the world. He organizes events or simply in an unorganized manner starts dancing and people just join him. Visa wants to draw a parallel here. Just as Matt's dance is unifying language, Visa has been a unifying currency.

Great find and great concept.

I still don't know who developed the background music of the ad, but the ad has been created by BBDO(source).

Well waiting forward for Matt's book to be published soon.

Till then, Where the Hell is Matt?

P.S. Getting famous and travelling the world for dancing like that! Cool!

P.P.S. - I'm using 'hell' a lot after visiting Matt's homepage. :D

P.P.P.S - enjoy this-


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Friday, June 12, 2009

Short story - Insane sanity



(Thanks for the superb image to "The Revig".
source: http://theyareamongus.blogspot.com/2007/03/12insanity.html)

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Title: Insane Sanity


Pizza....
Walking on a road, he watched the big billboards of a Pizza outlet. The larger than life pictures of Pizza with streaks of yummy cheese and toppings of paneer, capsicum, corn, mushroom and olives made his hands reach to his stomach. He had to bend down like a soldier who got hit by a bullet in his chest in a war. Was it a mirage? He wished to rush inside, jump on a pizza and spend his last few bucks left.

After getting few strange looks by the passerby, he took control of himself. He tried to look at himself in an imaginary mirror, which he visualized was in front of him. Sunlight-burnt-uncombed hair, face covered with dust, a tie that seemed critically ill after facing harsh weather, shirt that was perfect to be a demo for detergent ads and shoes that were about to loose battle of life after being kicked hard against the wall after each interview. How hard had he tried?

Things were better before. He had been selected by one of the biggest software companies. Great salary, swanky office and people respected him because of the big tag of ABC corporation tattooed on his head. All people except one. He didn't respect himself. That's when the problems started. He saw himself as the CEO of a company. A guy who dreamt of how will he handle the mergers and acquisitions of such a big organization. But those were dreams and completely out of sync with reality. His work was menial, boring, repetitive and provided no chance of growth.

He decided to tune in realities with his dreams rather than vice-versa. One fine day he resigned from company. He had belief in himself. He would join a small organization rise to top and switch to a big organization and handle critical resource. He didn't even care about his friends who branded him as everything from a dreamer to an idiot. It didn't matter.

But then realities don't care whether you cared about them. Reality was no body wanted him. And here he was roaming from street to street, office to office for a job. Once a visit to pizza shop had been weekly affair where he never cared about the price tag and now even the guard was about to shoo him away from the same shop.

Things became hopeless.
-----------------------------------------

He was after all good! Finally after great pains, he had landed in his dream job. He was good in studies and his new role involved teaching maths and marketing of the coaching. Two things he dreamt to do! Maths was something he excelled and marketing something he wanted to excel in.

He thought that he was having fun. Atleast that was what he thought. He had a great team who had soon become his friends. Work was good. Students were less but still good enough in number to keep him busy. He earned salary and more important respect in eyes of his students. He had also become friend with the counselor there. She was a nice girl, of the same age. She had major economic problems that had forced her to quit her studies and search for a job. She was little reserved, introvert but knowledgeable. He was happy that he was finally having a good job with good people around after all.

But one call changed everything.

"Tring Tring...Who cares she is good! She is not good looking! Fire her! Find someone whom students find attractive and who is extrovert! Kick her out! For the God's sake, you are running my center with my money. How can I be paying for such idiots! Go and tell her not to bother coming here from tomorrow. We'll settle the dues later..Beep...Beep...".

For two minuted he stood motionless trying to figure out the meaning of the words. In the middle of the converstaion, his mind had fazed. His own past picture, the one he saw in the invisible mirror, appeared before him. And yet he had no family to take care of. What would the poor girl do? He planned to start running from the place and keep running till his body could run. But soon sanity returned, only to make him more insane. He knew what it meant to be jobless and giving the same treatment to other, that too his friend, was unimaginable. He decided to take a walk. He saw laborers, beggars, rickshaw pullers. Am I responsible for everyone? Is it my mistake? Am I not a professional? Why does it matter after all? I've fought so hard for a job and why to ruin it for a stranger? He shook his head hard. No, no. What is he thinking? When did he became so mean, so selfish. His mood had switched from confusion to feeling helpless to careless,mean to finally feeling guilty. What had made him so bad(wanted a word worse than bad but his mind was not working at the moment)?

What should he do? Damn reality, he thought. He remembered Calvin's statement - " Reality continues to ruin my life". He could not have agreed more. He decided to take the situation head on. He will go now to her cabin and ask her to leave at this moment. He would be the devil but then wasn't God the real culprit, who forced him in this situation, assuming there was something/someone called as God. If he was there, why in the world he created poverty, sadness, selfishness or misery creatures like the girl and himself. He shunned the thoughts. No use of escaping. He stood outside her cabin for two minutes, looking at the floor. Then he looked at the door and smiled. His thoughts had become crystal clear now. He kicked in air to break the imaginary mirror he had created for himself. He had transformed. He knocked and entered the door.

Things became hopeless.
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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Short story- "That way"

well not truly a short story..but still my first hopeless attempt at writing one...
Title- "That way"
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It is a cold winter morning. Woke up early. Everything outside seemed lifeless. I rubbed my hands to feel them. I tried to recall what was going on in my life. Seemed like remembering a bad dream.

I had a sort of good habit of going to a long sleep(you may call it hibernation) when things start going wrong and I find myself clueless. Yeah! I had decided I will ponder over it at morning tea. Ah! The mind seems so fresh now! How I survived yesterday? Anyways, what exactly was my problem? Let me remember...

Oh yeah! Wondering whether I made the right choice...

I had spent my last year cramming up vocab from Barron's and even had to pay a fortune for that torture. World seemed to be all "sunrise yellow" the day when I aced GRE. How painfully I had shortlisted the univs, brought those green color packets with my Statement of Purpose! Haha...What a piece of shameless self-appreciation that was! I dreamt about snow falls, chilly winter mornings, hamburgers, crisp dollars, Swarm Intelligence, New York. But then heart break started. Reject after reject till I forgot the count. Last count was 9 rejects, latest being University of New Jersey, my safe bet.

But the day finally arrived. I had casually forgotten about my application to Denmark University. How happy I was. I ran from my hostel to girls hostel to call her. It was early Sunday morning and even the stray dog of my college was rusty. Tring Tring! Hello...Abhishek here...I got one more reject *sob*..Where are you? Below your hostel..Wait I'm coming...Beep...Beep.. I planned to give her a big shock. She arrived. I wondered if I was happy at that moment because of the convert or because I saw her. Oh! I'm so sorry...You see it's not end of life...No..It's not the end...It's the beginning...I'm going to Denmark! What..You just said...Nah...was kidding...Oh my God! I'm so happy for you...Congrats...Hi5.... I don't know why but she was not happy. It felt like she was pretending to smile. I thought to myself is she jealous? nah! Maybe she was going to loose one of her good friends. Maybe some girlie stuff.

Friends! Yeah my problem is that. I don't want to remain just a friend! How hard I tried to convince her to say yes to me! But she remains defiant. We'll be good friends. That's it! Why? Why not marry me? I don't feel that way. That way? How in the world am I supposed to know what that way is? Would some lightning strike on you some day and it would dawn upon you that you love me? I know you love me...No...I don't feel that way about you...Again "That way"?? I was fed up of my feelings. Wish I could take them and throw in the dustbin which I was using as an ashtray.

What I'm supposed to do? If I leave for Denmark it would mean absolutely no contact with her. If I don't, I feel like a worthless friend who doesn't know when "That way" arrives or doesn' t arrive at all. I smoked and kept smoking till I realized Earth does go round and fell into hibernation.

I didn't see her after announcing her my admit. I boarded the plane, arrived to Copenhagen. Got a part time job at a small software firm near by, watched aimlessly at the snow falling from the sky. The world had suddenly turned "melancholy blue". It was when my phone rang...Tring! Tring! Abhishek...How are you? I'm fine...I'm really glad to hear from you, my angel...Abhishek I've told you na...Ya ya...I know...."That way" stuff...Listen I've a good news to share with you...I'm getting engaged....What! The world turned upside down for me. Somehow I gathered my strength and muttered the words...Congrats! What a great news! But let me tell you one thing...You won't be able to find a guy who loves you as much as me...Also who is as weird as me...Tried to make a futile attempt of making it sound as a joke with tears in my eyes...I know...*sob*...But then you had all those dreams of going abroad...Who am I to break them...And you know I'm only child of my parents who have done everything for me...Can I not sacrifice something for them....I wish you could have stayed back...I lo ......Oh am sorry! I should not say this...Now this is not right....Take care...Bye...Beep...Beep

What? I tried to call again but phone was switched off. Tried again. Spent my whole night trying the same number. But the same message. Switched off. Ran to get a new pack of cigarette. But no new message yet again. That's when I passed out.

Oh, the tea is ready. Where is my smoke? Yeah, found it. I never knew I would have to pay such a heavy price for the option I choose. I never thought that sometimes your intuition is damn right. I should have realized she loved me. "That way" was always there. I wish I could just run back. Let me check if there is any train to Bangalore. Man! I forgot I'm out of India. It's the snow fall that I had always wished to see...It's the hamburger...the swarm intelligence research paper I'm working on...not quiet New York but still exploring Copenhagen...Now I would like to give up all this any day for the second option....

The world seems a little different today...It seems like turning into "hopeless black"........


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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Dil Chahta hai!

.
Oh yeah..Let's flow the senti stuff...
Whenever I read senti mails/blogs...

My first impression before reading is-
kya bak hai?

But then after I'm through...
Secretly I might admire the post but I give a look like -
kya bak hai?


It's your shining eyes

that makes me go crazy...

Your sweet smile


that makes me forget our pains...


When I hold your hands,


it's the softness I feel that comforts me....


Your priceless tear, your mischievous expressions...


Your belief in me...


Your complaints -


aaj phir handkerchief nahin laye?


aaj phir shave nahin banayi?


aaj phir bathroom slippers?


makes me wonder....


How I survived without you


before you were there in my life?


The fights we had....


The times we had cried together


and ended up laughing together....


The times we sat aimlessly in the park...


The times our dreams crashed


and you supported me to fight for them again....


When you say Goodmorning...


feels my day started with a dream...


and Goodnight-


starts another sweet dream....


You bring sanity in this insane or


insanity in this sane....


I know I don't need to say...


as You would've already read my mind and heart...


But then these words are all I have -

THANK YOU!



kya bak hai yaar?

;)


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What a weird name to choose? KGBC?

I selected this simply because others in my mind were not available :P...

Few of the names i had tried were -
1) The Hated Agnostic ( my last blog....wanted to start afresh...)
2) Sanity of the Insane
3) Hopeless Hopes


Then I thought(yeah I sometimes think!) about the things and people who have had maximum impact on me....Then a brilliant(or not so brilliant :)) idea came to my mind...

Why not dedicate this blog to cities that have had maximum impact on me....
I was born and brought up in Kanpur(U.P.)...
My college (ahhh...the college days) was in Gandhinagar (Gujarat)...
I am currently in Bangalore (Karnataka)...or wait...Bengaluru...
And my future dreams are buried (rather standing erect) in Calcutta....(no Kolkatta because IIM-C still uses Calcutta :D...

This is a totally random blog...even I don't have an idea what I'll be writing about...
It would be a blog that would make an attempt to be humorous but will surely fail in doing so...
It would be a blog that would try to make you think about realities of life but will surely look more like a place where I sulk and sound like a frustrated looser...
It would be a blog that would try to make me sound like a genius who knows all about world but will surely end up as a laughing stock for readers (was I wrong in humour part! hmmm...)..

In short this blog would be totally waste of time....
shoo...stop reading here...
(okay....I want this blog to be famous! :D )

Hail Jokaland! Here I come..........(IIM-C is situated in Joka)
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