Kanpur-Gandhinagar-Bangalore-Calcutta

(Thanks for the superb image to "The Revig".
source: http://theyareamongus.blogspot.com/2007/03/12insanity.html)

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Title: Insane Sanity


Pizza....
Walking on a road, he watched the big billboards of a Pizza outlet. The larger than life pictures of Pizza with streaks of yummy cheese and toppings of paneer, capsicum, corn, mushroom and olives made his hands reach to his stomach. He had to bend down like a soldier who got hit by a bullet in his chest in a war. Was it a mirage? He wished to rush inside, jump on a pizza and spend his last few bucks left.

After getting few strange looks by the passerby, he took control of himself. He tried to look at himself in an imaginary mirror, which he visualized was in front of him. Sunlight-burnt-uncombed hair, face covered with dust, a tie that seemed critically ill after facing harsh weather, shirt that was perfect to be a demo for detergent ads and shoes that were about to loose battle of life after being kicked hard against the wall after each interview. How hard had he tried?

Things were better before. He had been selected by one of the biggest software companies. Great salary, swanky office and people respected him because of the big tag of ABC corporation tattooed on his head. All people except one. He didn't respect himself. That's when the problems started. He saw himself as the CEO of a company. A guy who dreamt of how will he handle the mergers and acquisitions of such a big organization. But those were dreams and completely out of sync with reality. His work was menial, boring, repetitive and provided no chance of growth.

He decided to tune in realities with his dreams rather than vice-versa. One fine day he resigned from company. He had belief in himself. He would join a small organization rise to top and switch to a big organization and handle critical resource. He didn't even care about his friends who branded him as everything from a dreamer to an idiot. It didn't matter.

But then realities don't care whether you cared about them. Reality was no body wanted him. And here he was roaming from street to street, office to office for a job. Once a visit to pizza shop had been weekly affair where he never cared about the price tag and now even the guard was about to shoo him away from the same shop.

Things became hopeless.
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He was after all good! Finally after great pains, he had landed in his dream job. He was good in studies and his new role involved teaching maths and marketing of the coaching. Two things he dreamt to do! Maths was something he excelled and marketing something he wanted to excel in.

He thought that he was having fun. Atleast that was what he thought. He had a great team who had soon become his friends. Work was good. Students were less but still good enough in number to keep him busy. He earned salary and more important respect in eyes of his students. He had also become friend with the counselor there. She was a nice girl, of the same age. She had major economic problems that had forced her to quit her studies and search for a job. She was little reserved, introvert but knowledgeable. He was happy that he was finally having a good job with good people around after all.

But one call changed everything.

"Tring Tring...Who cares she is good! She is not good looking! Fire her! Find someone whom students find attractive and who is extrovert! Kick her out! For the God's sake, you are running my center with my money. How can I be paying for such idiots! Go and tell her not to bother coming here from tomorrow. We'll settle the dues later..Beep...Beep...".

For two minuted he stood motionless trying to figure out the meaning of the words. In the middle of the converstaion, his mind had fazed. His own past picture, the one he saw in the invisible mirror, appeared before him. And yet he had no family to take care of. What would the poor girl do? He planned to start running from the place and keep running till his body could run. But soon sanity returned, only to make him more insane. He knew what it meant to be jobless and giving the same treatment to other, that too his friend, was unimaginable. He decided to take a walk. He saw laborers, beggars, rickshaw pullers. Am I responsible for everyone? Is it my mistake? Am I not a professional? Why does it matter after all? I've fought so hard for a job and why to ruin it for a stranger? He shook his head hard. No, no. What is he thinking? When did he became so mean, so selfish. His mood had switched from confusion to feeling helpless to careless,mean to finally feeling guilty. What had made him so bad(wanted a word worse than bad but his mind was not working at the moment)?

What should he do? Damn reality, he thought. He remembered Calvin's statement - " Reality continues to ruin my life". He could not have agreed more. He decided to take the situation head on. He will go now to her cabin and ask her to leave at this moment. He would be the devil but then wasn't God the real culprit, who forced him in this situation, assuming there was something/someone called as God. If he was there, why in the world he created poverty, sadness, selfishness or misery creatures like the girl and himself. He shunned the thoughts. No use of escaping. He stood outside her cabin for two minutes, looking at the floor. Then he looked at the door and smiled. His thoughts had become crystal clear now. He kicked in air to break the imaginary mirror he had created for himself. He had transformed. He knocked and entered the door.

Things became hopeless.