Tuesday, October 30, 2012
"Mom, we have fancy dress competition in school tomorrow. What a stupid thing to do in school? Why don't we just study?"
Yes, I was a perfect nerd in school who loved to study and hated extra curricular activities (and who never studied once the school got over).
"Why don't I wear simple dress"
"And why would you do that? What would that represent?"
"I would be nobody. See how innovative. Everybody would try to resemble someone and I would be no one"
If ever my mom had a big facepalm moment, I guess this would be the one.
"No beta! See you need to resemble someone big, someone famous and one day become someone like that in future."
"But I don't want to become big or famous. I'd be happy just having a normal life" (maybe I'd shown early signs of epic laziness).
"There is no point debating with you. So you'd become Gandhi ji"
"And shave off my hair for a stupid competition. Nah. Let me become Hulk Hogan and I'll rip off my t-shirt when they ask me to enact"
"Hey bhagwan! What an insane child. I should not've read books of Osho before your birth. Ok. You'll become Jawahar Lal Nehru".
And so my fate was sealed. I was going to deliver India's independence speech in 1993 (instead of 1947) infront of some 50 dumb second graders (and not lakhs of Indian citizens) to cherish their freedom- something which second grader kids could only dream of. Next morning, the dumb students looked even dumber (with me leading the pack).
There was one Mahatma Gandhi who was beating everyone with his stick, one Bhagat Singh who was silently sitting in the corner, one Sachin Tendulkar playing football with his water bottle cap and one Chanakya copying homework from his neighbor.
I went to the stage with an ill fitted Kurta and Nehru cap (I bet real Nehru would have had better tailor) and delivered - "When the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom". I noticed few of the students waking their sideys- afraid that I was complaining about them sleeping in the class.
I didn't win the prize- it went to some stupid Michael Jackson. But it didn't matter- I hated dressing up and taking so much pain. I was glad that it was over.
Then something really sad happened- I grew up. And I had to attend bigger and more serious fancy dress competitions- Indian weddings. And now I had two decision makers- my mom and my fiancee.
"What are you wearing tomorrow for your cousin's wedding", mom asked.
"Why? I'll wear a simple suit. Who is going to notice me anyways?"
"You know you're marrying an absolute idiot", my mom said to my fiancee.
"Hey, don't you watch TV soaps. You're supposed to be on my side and torture her", I shouted at my mom.
"We'll go and buy something for you. You just wear them" both said happily.
And then we started dressing up for another fancy dress competition. The stakes were extremely high- everyone wanted to have the best dress, best pictures shared on facbook, best envious and jealous looks and best small talk about other's expensive dress.
And yes, I got good free food! :)
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