Kanpur-Gandhinagar-Bangalore-Calcutta

Bold black alphabets against yellow background of rock at the platform read- Calcutta.

It felt like this rock was only thing stationary in my vicinity. Everything else was moving, rather bumping into each other. The whole place was in utter confusion. Somehow I managed to locate my uncle in swarm of people.

I was on a short trip of my dream city. But the dreams seem to fade in the utter confusion and chaos.

Mamaji, gaadi kahan hai?
Bas besta, saamne hi hai. We can drive inside the platform to park our cars close to the bogey. (You need to be there to understand it).

Anyways, the car was just infront and I thanked God for saving me some millions of pushes and stepovers on my foot. We drove, rather slowly moved ahead to the main road. The traffic was overwhelming. Everyone wanted to go everywhere.

There were black colored cabs, new swanky cars, old ambassadors, trams, autos, handrickshaws, scooters, bikes and not to forget poor old pedestrians who were trying to figure a way out of the puzzle created by vehicles. Suddenly loud bong accent voice started coming from some distance. I tried to take a sneak peak to realized that a car tried to smart it's way infront of tram and created a deadlock.

Whole area was brought to a standstill, save the pedestrians. Honks and screams were only thing that indicated the city was alive. And then it started raining.

Oh great! What could be worse in life than being stuck in a stupid traffic jam! We need few helicopters to air lift us!

I closed the window of car partially because of the rain and partially because it was stinking like hell. There was a huge pile of leftovers of food, probably remains of a night party, thrown on the footpath next to us. It was stinking like hell and I prayed to God to atleast move our car few metres ahead so that I'm saved of this torture.


Kaise log hai yahaan! Kahin bhi khana fenk dete hain! Ise to janwar kya bacteria bhi nahin khayenge!

I was cursing my luck when I saw a beggar approaching the pile. He squatted next to the pile. And then my vision faded because of the water on glass. It seems like world was melting and images were getting distorted. I saw some activity from the beggar but it was too unclear to determine what he was doing sitting there. Out of curiosity, I opened the window.


Beta bheeg jaaoge. Khidki band kar lo!
Bas mamaji, 5 min thoda hawa kha loon!

What I saw next, changed my entire life. I saw the beggar merrily eating rice and daal from the huge pile. It seemed like a feast to him and he was gulping down handful of the pale yellow mixture. The same leftover that was painful for me to even see or smell, to somebody else it was a lucky meal. I took out my head of the car so as not to vomit in the car. I vomited not only the food, but my preconceived notions, my sense of misery. I realized how lucky I was to be sitting inside this stupid car stuck in the stupid traffic rather than being outside.


Kya hua beta! Theek ho na!
Nahin mamaji! Bas wo thoda journey ki wajah se....

I closed my car window hastily and allowed the world to melt infront of my eyes. It was a pure bliss to live in my virtual world with meaningless problems. I wished I could do something, but like a coward, I felt comfortable in my small little world. I was so happy in my small-little-problems-of-life.

Chalo beta! Traffic khul gaya. Ghar chalte hain! Ache se khana khayenge!

Still, a dent in my wall had been made. The world really melted and distorted for me that day. I was lost in the streets of Calcutta and in the realities of life.

Title - Constellation
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It was a cold clear night. The sky was full of stars and it was possible to make a constellation of your own- any shape you want, any size you want. She looked up. Look - it's a bird. We'll call it Birdie constellation. He looked up. Yeah! a duck! Why not duckie? He then looked to his right and saw her face shining bright in the night. Look there is a dog. hmmm..that can be a teddy...that is a pirate boat, with a flag, sailing in ocean of light. He was not interested. Rather he was so captivated that it did not occur to him to look at the sky. Yeah! was his only response each time. He just kept staring at her beautiful face glittered by moonlight. Who the heck needed stars?

She had a broad smile. She was lost in her own world of stars, drawing meaning out of unmenaingful things. He was staring at her, again lost in his own world, trying to draw unmeaning out of(trying to distance himself from) all the meaningful things.

It was like world paused except for the gentle wind.

Then she turned to him. He started looking up, just in time so that she didn't notice. She said with a teasing smile - What? You think I'm stupid trying to make shapes when none exists. Nah! I don't think so. And who am I to comment. After all aren't we all trying to derive some meaning, some shape out of our lives when probably none exists. Why are you so pesimistic? Can't you appreciate the beauty? Why you have to make simple things so complex? I'm trying to make a complex thing more simple - our lives are meaningless. My life had only one meaning - and that meaning will soon cease to exist. Now I wonder, if that was a meaning to start with? She didn't understand what he was trying to say. Even he didn't understand what he was trying to say. It was clear night and their paths were lit infront of them, albeit two different paths. He didn't understand why they had to take different paths.

She said to him - Goodbye dear! Take good care of yourself. Will you meet me sometime? She looked up and said - Let the stars decide!

A tear trickled down from his eyes. He looked up. He saw a cruel-smiling-face-constellation.
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edit: on orders from my special one..high command...
This is a story inspired from my real life with ending change...in real life..we share one common path :D

(Thanks for the superb image to "The Revig".
source: http://theyareamongus.blogspot.com/2007/03/12insanity.html)

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Title: Insane Sanity


Pizza....
Walking on a road, he watched the big billboards of a Pizza outlet. The larger than life pictures of Pizza with streaks of yummy cheese and toppings of paneer, capsicum, corn, mushroom and olives made his hands reach to his stomach. He had to bend down like a soldier who got hit by a bullet in his chest in a war. Was it a mirage? He wished to rush inside, jump on a pizza and spend his last few bucks left.

After getting few strange looks by the passerby, he took control of himself. He tried to look at himself in an imaginary mirror, which he visualized was in front of him. Sunlight-burnt-uncombed hair, face covered with dust, a tie that seemed critically ill after facing harsh weather, shirt that was perfect to be a demo for detergent ads and shoes that were about to loose battle of life after being kicked hard against the wall after each interview. How hard had he tried?

Things were better before. He had been selected by one of the biggest software companies. Great salary, swanky office and people respected him because of the big tag of ABC corporation tattooed on his head. All people except one. He didn't respect himself. That's when the problems started. He saw himself as the CEO of a company. A guy who dreamt of how will he handle the mergers and acquisitions of such a big organization. But those were dreams and completely out of sync with reality. His work was menial, boring, repetitive and provided no chance of growth.

He decided to tune in realities with his dreams rather than vice-versa. One fine day he resigned from company. He had belief in himself. He would join a small organization rise to top and switch to a big organization and handle critical resource. He didn't even care about his friends who branded him as everything from a dreamer to an idiot. It didn't matter.

But then realities don't care whether you cared about them. Reality was no body wanted him. And here he was roaming from street to street, office to office for a job. Once a visit to pizza shop had been weekly affair where he never cared about the price tag and now even the guard was about to shoo him away from the same shop.

Things became hopeless.
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He was after all good! Finally after great pains, he had landed in his dream job. He was good in studies and his new role involved teaching maths and marketing of the coaching. Two things he dreamt to do! Maths was something he excelled and marketing something he wanted to excel in.

He thought that he was having fun. Atleast that was what he thought. He had a great team who had soon become his friends. Work was good. Students were less but still good enough in number to keep him busy. He earned salary and more important respect in eyes of his students. He had also become friend with the counselor there. She was a nice girl, of the same age. She had major economic problems that had forced her to quit her studies and search for a job. She was little reserved, introvert but knowledgeable. He was happy that he was finally having a good job with good people around after all.

But one call changed everything.

"Tring Tring...Who cares she is good! She is not good looking! Fire her! Find someone whom students find attractive and who is extrovert! Kick her out! For the God's sake, you are running my center with my money. How can I be paying for such idiots! Go and tell her not to bother coming here from tomorrow. We'll settle the dues later..Beep...Beep...".

For two minuted he stood motionless trying to figure out the meaning of the words. In the middle of the converstaion, his mind had fazed. His own past picture, the one he saw in the invisible mirror, appeared before him. And yet he had no family to take care of. What would the poor girl do? He planned to start running from the place and keep running till his body could run. But soon sanity returned, only to make him more insane. He knew what it meant to be jobless and giving the same treatment to other, that too his friend, was unimaginable. He decided to take a walk. He saw laborers, beggars, rickshaw pullers. Am I responsible for everyone? Is it my mistake? Am I not a professional? Why does it matter after all? I've fought so hard for a job and why to ruin it for a stranger? He shook his head hard. No, no. What is he thinking? When did he became so mean, so selfish. His mood had switched from confusion to feeling helpless to careless,mean to finally feeling guilty. What had made him so bad(wanted a word worse than bad but his mind was not working at the moment)?

What should he do? Damn reality, he thought. He remembered Calvin's statement - " Reality continues to ruin my life". He could not have agreed more. He decided to take the situation head on. He will go now to her cabin and ask her to leave at this moment. He would be the devil but then wasn't God the real culprit, who forced him in this situation, assuming there was something/someone called as God. If he was there, why in the world he created poverty, sadness, selfishness or misery creatures like the girl and himself. He shunned the thoughts. No use of escaping. He stood outside her cabin for two minutes, looking at the floor. Then he looked at the door and smiled. His thoughts had become crystal clear now. He kicked in air to break the imaginary mirror he had created for himself. He had transformed. He knocked and entered the door.

Things became hopeless.

well not truly a short story..but still my first hopeless attempt at writing one...
Title- "That way"
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It is a cold winter morning. Woke up early. Everything outside seemed lifeless. I rubbed my hands to feel them. I tried to recall what was going on in my life. Seemed like remembering a bad dream.

I had a sort of good habit of going to a long sleep(you may call it hibernation) when things start going wrong and I find myself clueless. Yeah! I had decided I will ponder over it at morning tea. Ah! The mind seems so fresh now! How I survived yesterday? Anyways, what exactly was my problem? Let me remember...

Oh yeah! Wondering whether I made the right choice...

I had spent my last year cramming up vocab from Barron's and even had to pay a fortune for that torture. World seemed to be all "sunrise yellow" the day when I aced GRE. How painfully I had shortlisted the univs, brought those green color packets with my Statement of Purpose! Haha...What a piece of shameless self-appreciation that was! I dreamt about snow falls, chilly winter mornings, hamburgers, crisp dollars, Swarm Intelligence, New York. But then heart break started. Reject after reject till I forgot the count. Last count was 9 rejects, latest being University of New Jersey, my safe bet.

But the day finally arrived. I had casually forgotten about my application to Denmark University. How happy I was. I ran from my hostel to girls hostel to call her. It was early Sunday morning and even the stray dog of my college was rusty. Tring Tring! Hello...Abhishek here...I got one more reject *sob*..Where are you? Below your hostel..Wait I'm coming...Beep...Beep.. I planned to give her a big shock. She arrived. I wondered if I was happy at that moment because of the convert or because I saw her. Oh! I'm so sorry...You see it's not end of life...No..It's not the end...It's the beginning...I'm going to Denmark! What..You just said...Nah...was kidding...Oh my God! I'm so happy for you...Congrats...Hi5.... I don't know why but she was not happy. It felt like she was pretending to smile. I thought to myself is she jealous? nah! Maybe she was going to loose one of her good friends. Maybe some girlie stuff.

Friends! Yeah my problem is that. I don't want to remain just a friend! How hard I tried to convince her to say yes to me! But she remains defiant. We'll be good friends. That's it! Why? Why not marry me? I don't feel that way. That way? How in the world am I supposed to know what that way is? Would some lightning strike on you some day and it would dawn upon you that you love me? I know you love me...No...I don't feel that way about you...Again "That way"?? I was fed up of my feelings. Wish I could take them and throw in the dustbin which I was using as an ashtray.

What I'm supposed to do? If I leave for Denmark it would mean absolutely no contact with her. If I don't, I feel like a worthless friend who doesn't know when "That way" arrives or doesn' t arrive at all. I smoked and kept smoking till I realized Earth does go round and fell into hibernation.

I didn't see her after announcing her my admit. I boarded the plane, arrived to Copenhagen. Got a part time job at a small software firm near by, watched aimlessly at the snow falling from the sky. The world had suddenly turned "melancholy blue". It was when my phone rang...Tring! Tring! Abhishek...How are you? I'm fine...I'm really glad to hear from you, my angel...Abhishek I've told you na...Ya ya...I know...."That way" stuff...Listen I've a good news to share with you...I'm getting engaged....What! The world turned upside down for me. Somehow I gathered my strength and muttered the words...Congrats! What a great news! But let me tell you one thing...You won't be able to find a guy who loves you as much as me...Also who is as weird as me...Tried to make a futile attempt of making it sound as a joke with tears in my eyes...I know...*sob*...But then you had all those dreams of going abroad...Who am I to break them...And you know I'm only child of my parents who have done everything for me...Can I not sacrifice something for them....I wish you could have stayed back...I lo ......Oh am sorry! I should not say this...Now this is not right....Take care...Bye...Beep...Beep

What? I tried to call again but phone was switched off. Tried again. Spent my whole night trying the same number. But the same message. Switched off. Ran to get a new pack of cigarette. But no new message yet again. That's when I passed out.

Oh, the tea is ready. Where is my smoke? Yeah, found it. I never knew I would have to pay such a heavy price for the option I choose. I never thought that sometimes your intuition is damn right. I should have realized she loved me. "That way" was always there. I wish I could just run back. Let me check if there is any train to Bangalore. Man! I forgot I'm out of India. It's the snow fall that I had always wished to see...It's the hamburger...the swarm intelligence research paper I'm working on...not quiet New York but still exploring Copenhagen...Now I would like to give up all this any day for the second option....

The world seems a little different today...It seems like turning into "hopeless black"........


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